Switched!
by TajiYami
Summary: April Fool's Day in South Park. Cartman celebrates just a little too early, the other boys elect to get back at him. Chapter 8 Springs, Things and Dirty Magazines now up. Please R
1. April Fool's Day

I don't own South Park! But I still love the characters.

R&R Enjoy!

**SOUTH PARK**

**Switched!**

**Chapter 1 – April Fool's Day**

It was a chilly Tuesday morning in South Park, which wasn't much different from any other morning really. The four boys, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were all standing at the bus stop in that order, waiting for the bus. Kyle, in a rare moment, had his hat off and was trying desperately to clean egg off the fabric before the bus came. Cartman was laughing his ass off, as usual, and Kenny was also laughing under his hood. Stan was stifling a laugh, and didn't have the heart to tell his friend that it was no use.

"Damnit Cartman, what the hell is up with you today?" Kyle asked bitterly, and readjusted his hat on his head, a mess of red curls escaping the confines of the accessory.

Cartman stifled a laugh, "I got you Jew-boy. April April fool, April April foooool!" Cartman started singing as he got on the bus.

Stan got on the bus after Cartman, still stifling his laughs.

Kyle followed on, "Did you really have to throw a snow-egg bomb? And it's not even April yet you stupid fat ass!" he snapped.

"Ey, Don't call me fat!"

Kenny, muffled 'you have to admit it was fuckin' sweet dude, if you had turned around a little faster it would have hit you right in the face!'

Kyle took a seat next to Stan at the back of he bus, "Shut up Kenny!"

Mrs. Crabtree turned around and glared at them, "Hey! Shut up back there and sit down!"

The boys obeyed, but the sound of Cartman humming his April Fool's song could still be heard. The truth was it was only March 31st.

Cartman was still cracking up by the time they got to the elementary school and filed into the classroom.

"Ok class, let's settle down. Today we are going to learn the dangerous affects Pamela Anderson's breasts have on America's environment." Mr. Garrison said as he walked into the room, "Does anyone in here know what 'augmentation' is?" he asked, writing the word in big bold letters on the board.

Throughout the course of the day, Cartman performed multiple other pranks, including gluing Craig's butt to his seat and tying poor Butters up on the flag pole. He also somehow managed to steal Mr. Hat, and put a little voice recorder in the puppet, causing Mr. Garrison to need therapy by the end of the day. Also, by the time school was about to let out, almost everyone in the class had been 'fooled' at least once, and Kyle had been the butt of several of Cartman's jokes.

Kyle, Stan and Kenny filed out of the class room after the bell rang. Kyle was staring at the ground, trying his hardest to control his anger. "Doesn't that idiot even realize it's not April yet?" he questioned aloud.

Stan and Kenny were keeping up with him, but both giving him a respectful distance. Stan piped up finally, "Does the fat ass ever know what day it is. He probably just wanted a way to bug you dude."

"Hey you guys, Hey you guy, look at Butters," Cartman huffed as he came up to the other three, pointing up at the very top of the flag pole from which hung Butters.

"Dude," Stan said

"Ehh, C-can I come d-down now. If I don't ge-get down, well my p-parent will ground me for sure," Butters stuttered, tapping his fingers together.

Cartman only started whistling and walking away, "Did you guys hear something?" the other three started following him off the school grounds, leaving Butters hanging from the pole. "You're sick Cartman," Stan said softly as they were walking.

The boys were only half way to Stan's house when Mrs. Cartman pulled alongside the sidewalk in her sedan. "Eric, sweetie. It's time for your visit with the optometrist," she said sweetly.

"But Mom, that appointment was on the 31st," Cartman whined, "it's not the 31st today."

"Ah, my little boobie-kins, but it is the 31st. Now come on. You wouldn't want to be late and keep the nice doctor waiting."

"But Meehm, I don't wanna go 'cause there is nothing wrong with my eyes and I wanna go to Stan's to play videogames and be cyueel," he whined further, but his mom only cooed at him, and with a huff, he got in the car, sulking and pouting as they drove off.

Kyle, Stan and Kenny watched the car depart, and Kenny started laughing, muffling out a 'he thought today was tomorrow, how fuckin' stupid.' Kyle and Stan laughed as well, and continued on to Stan's house to play his Okama Gamesphere.

After many intense hours of racing games and cookies, Kyle looked over at the other two boys. Stan was getting a little frustrated because he was losing, and Kenny was celebrating his seventh victory in a row. Kyle spoke up, "you know, since tomorrow really is April 1st, maybe we should get Cartman back for being such a stupid fat ass today." Stan and Kenny looked up at him, questioningly. "What do you have in mind?" Stan asked.

"Nothing much, I mean I doubt we could haul him up to the top of the flag pole," he paused and the three snickered at the thought of Cartman on a flag pole. "No, I think we should mess with his head, and go to school tomorrow as each other."

Kenny cocked his head to one side 'like you be Stan and he is you?' he asked.

"Yeah, except all three of us, not just me and Stan. And we gotta try our best to make Cartman as confused as possible."

"Sweet dude, like the time we answered to each others names for that substitute," Stan added.

"So tomorrow then," Kyle said.

Kenny muffled something that was undecipherable, but notably perverted, then adds 'how are we going to pull this off? I mean, I'm not really into seeing naked guys.'

Stan makes a face, then gets up, "Mom? Is it ok for Kenny and Kyle to stay over tonight?"

Sharon looks up from dinner, "oh sure Stanley, just make sure they let their parents know they'll be staying over"

"Ok mom, thanks." Stan turned back to the other two, "there. So tomorrow, we get back at Cartman."

This is just the beginning. Please R&R, Chapter 2 will be up shortly


	2. The Plan is in Motion

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 2 – The Plan is in Motion

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The next day arrived swiftly enough. Kyle, Kenny and Stan were already out waiting for the bus, in that order. They stand like that for a moment, staring off into space until the silence is broken by Kenny, 'Mphmmph m?' he asked. Kyle gives him a blank look, then looks down at Stan. "You're right, we are in the wrong spots," he said, as though it were some sort of great revelation, "Dude, this is going to be harder than I thought," he added while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Hey, you're not supposed to do that, I am," Stan piped up, then for emphasis pinched the bridge of his nose, shut his eyes tight, "Man, I hate this fucked up town," he said. He snickered some after that, and then the boys all switched positions so they were standing in the order of Stan, Kyle, a big space for Cartman, and Kenny, and resumed their staring off into space.

Only moments after they had gotten into position, Cartman showed up and took his place between Kyle and Kenny, though he didn't notice the angry glares from Kenny, who he had bumped into while taking his place. "Oh, hey Cartman," Stan said dully, then smirks, "how was your visit with the eye doctor?" Kyle and Kenny both started snickering.

"Ey, what's so damn funny?" Cartman snapped, "Shut your fuckin' mouths. It just so happens that my eyes are perfectly fine, thank you. I SAID SHUT UP JEW RAT!" Cartman snapped again at Kyle, who had still been stifling his laughs.

"Fuck off fat ass," Kyle retorted, as the bus arrived, and the boys started getting on.

"Don't call me FAT! I told you I'm just big boned!" Cartman huffed and filed into the bus, taking his seat.

Kenny muffled out a "mphhmmm phmm" and took his seat as well. Stan chuckled softly as he and Kyle took their respective seats at the back of the bus. "it looks like it's working. He doesn't suspect a thing," Stan said quietly so only Kyle next to him could hear. Kyle only nodded in response, his blue eyes focused on the back of Cartman's head.

When they arrived at school, the whole place was in an uproar of chaos brought about by the coming of the one day of the year they were allowed to openly play nasty pranks on each other. The boys got off the bus, and almost instantly had to avoid being pelted with various items, including pencils, rubber bands, paper clips, and someone's dirty underwear, which unfortunately ended up landing on Kenny's head. "Mh, mphmm mph," Kenny said in disgust and knocked the offending item off his head. The other three shared a good laugh at Kenny's misfortune as they hurried to class to avoid any more chaos, especially since a bowling ball had just been introduced into the mix.

Everyone filed into the classroom and took their respective seats. Kenny was taking a moment, staring wide eyed at the multiple blurry sketches of naked women that were present all over the desk top. He quirked an eyebrow and looked up as Mr. Garrison came into the room.

"Ok, settle down class. Since Mr. Hat decided to go psycho on us and interrupt the lesson yesterday, today we are going to pick up on our discussion on augmentation. Now, can anyone tell me what we were talking about yesterday?" he pauses for a moment, his eyes drifting from Kyle to Wendy and back again, half expecting both to be in the midst of a 'I'm smarter than you' duel, but was surprised when neither answers, "anyone?" his gaze then settles on Kenny, from whom he was expecting a more perverted explanation of what he was talking about.

Stan instead raised his hand, "You were telling us about how insecure girls are so they have some doctor stick bags of jelly fluid in their titties to make them three times the normal size, but if you squeeze these fake boobs, you find they are hard as rocks, not tenderly squeezable like natural ones. They are only fun to look at by that point," he said triumphantly, then blushed slightly, realizing just about everyone in the class was looking at him as though he had just pissed on the Bible.

"Whoa dude," Kyle said, staring at Stan, his face a few shades paler than normal.

Stan blinks a few times, then looks towards the front of the class at Mr. Garrison, who was giving him an amused but shocked look, "Stanley!" he said finally "Am I going to have to send you to the councilor's office?"

"No, Mr. Garrison," Stan answered quickly.

"Whoa, that sounded like something Kenny would say," Cartman blurted out, laughing, "Hey Kenny, Kenny, Stan's tryin' to upstage ya."

Kenny muffled a "Fuck" and narrowed his eyes at Cartman, then Stan. Kyle almost looked sick.

"Ok, now as twisted as it sounded coming from. . Stanley. . that was correct. ." Mr. Garrison said, and started his lecture about destructive fake boobs.

The rest of class continued as such, though there were several more flying objects than usual, and Mr. Garrison had to stop his lecture to scold. By the time lunch rolled around, the classroom was a mess, and everyone was in a hurry to get to the cafeteria. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny were standing in line, waiting to get their food, when Cartman looks back at Kenny, "I hate you Kenny," he said faintly, then grins, as though it were some sort of relief to get that off his chest.

Kenny glares at Cartman from under his hood, "Mphmmm m mphh," he retorted, a grin slowly spreading on his face, but only showing through in his light green eyes. He grinned even more when Cartman said, "wha? What are you sayin'? I don't understand 'poor talk'." "Mph mmph m," Kenny answered and they walked into the cafeteria.

"Well, Hello children," Chef greeted them.

"Hi Chef," the boys responded in unison.

"How's it goin'?"

The boys all answer in unison, Stan, Kyle and Kenny "Good," but Cartman, "Bad."

"Why bad? . . wait," Chef said, looking at the boys confused.

Stan, Kyle and Kenny all looked at Cartman, who looked between them, "I was just sayin' 'bad' 'cause we always say 'bad'," he said with a shrug. "Ey! Stop laughin'!" he snapped as the others had started laughing at him.

"Alright then, take care children," Chef said after finishing fixing their lunches.

"Bye Chef," the boys chimed in unison again, and went to their usual table.

Chef mumbles to himself, "something seems almost off about the children today, oh well."

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AN: To be continued in Chapter 3, hope you enjoyed, please R&R


	3. All's Fair

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 3 – All's Fair

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The boys took their seats at their table, and immediately started in on a conversation involving the new racing game Stan had recently got for his Okama Game Sphere, the same game they had played the night before without Cartman.

"It was totally sweet dude, and the graphics were awesome!" Stan exclaimed, "too bad you couldn't be there though, I woulda kicked your ass too."

Cartman had to stifle a laugh to prevent getting milk all over, "You? You couldn't beat Jew boy if he were wearing a blind fold, and we all know how crappy he plays! That whole no coordination thing and all," he added smoothly, looking over at Kyle, and mock flinched at the 'go to hell' look plastered on his enemy's face.

"Shut up Cartman, you know well as I do that Ky. . I. . kick your sorry fat ass all over those games," he retorted, slamming his fist down lightly on the table for emphasis.

"Ooohh, that sounds like a challenge," Cartman said tauntingly, "Come on, let's settle this after school, Stan's house, monoe mono, 'til only one man is left standing," he added, while standing up, and leaning over the table towards Kyle, a smirk plastered on his face. Several gasps, and 'oh's' could be heard around them in the lunchroom.

"Deal, but don't expect to win so easily Fat Ass," Kyle responded boldly, standing up, meeting Cartman's dark gaze with his own. Cheers could be heard around the lunchroom now, and Kyle was wearing his own triumphant look.

"Oh damnit," Stan muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head slightly, his eyes shut tight. He groaned softly and looked over at Kenny. Kenny was sitting at his place at the table, staring blankly at Cartman and Kyle, his eyes moving slowly from one to the other. An almost worried look crosses his face and he rests his head on his hand. Then his eyes widen slightly, and he looks up at something behind Stan and Kyle.

"Hi Stan," came Wendy's familiar high pitched voice behind Stan. Both Stan and Kyle looked behind them at her, a blush rising to both boys' faces.

"Uh, hi Wendy," Stan said, noticing her tense slightly as he spoke, as if she were expecting him to do something to her. When nothing happened, she looked at him confused, then smiled. Stan was trying to remember back if he and Wendy were supposed to be on together or off, not remembering, he opted to listen to her first. Kyle was staring at Stan and Wendy, a slightly depressed look on his face. By the look alone, he assumed off.

Wendy shuffled her feet, then gave Stan her best 'I know I hurt you, but I'm going to make it up to you' face. "I was wondering if you would ask me out this weekend to the new movie that just came out."

"The one on the dolphins?" Kyle asked, looking skeptical.

"I wasn't talking to you Kyle," Wendy snapped, then smiles back at Stan, ignoring the sickened look that crossed Kyle, as well as muffled gag. "but yeah, the documentary on the lifestyles of dolphins. Please Stan?"

Stan closed his pale blue eyes, as though deep in thought for a moment, then reached out and brushed his finger tips along the side of her face, and put on his best emotionless face. "I don't know Wendy. You told me before you didn't want to have anything to do with me any more." She gasped slightly at his touch, mesmerized by the paleness of his eyes and gentleness of his touch, "why would I say yes. I know you will only lose me again once its in your best interest to forget about me. Why should I have to suffer that pain again. I mean, I'm already suffering. ." he trailed off, his hand dropping to his side, eyes averted. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Kyle was looking very much like he was about to throw up.

Wendy stood there in shock for a moment, staring back at Stan in disbelief. Not only had he just turned her down, but had also called her out based on the treatment she had been giving him recently. "Hmph, fine, don't go with me then. You can just wallow here in your own self pi. ." her words were cut off suddenly by Stan, who had pressed his lips to hers, partially to silence her, and partially to satisfy his own curiosity. Wendy made a muffled sound of surprise, then pulled away from Stan, her eyes wild "What the hell was that?" she questioned.

The lunch room was silent. Except for the sound of Kyle throwing up, and the "Holy shit dude," said in unison by Cartman and Kenny.

Stan looked back at her, "I'm not wallowing in self pity," he said simply, and walked past her to exit the lunchroom, a faint and growing smirk on his face. He heard Wendy let out an exasperated screech, as well as Cartman laughing at her, calling her a 'stupid, hippie hoe,' he also threw in a 'eh, that's sick Kyle. Go do that somewhere else, I'm tryin' ta eat heyah'. Stan allowed the door to close behind him, took a few steps towards the bathroom, and, once out of earshot of the lunchroom, started laughing at what had just happened.

Back in the lunchroom, Kyle had recovered from his vomiting fit and was sitting miserably at his place at the lunch table. Cartman was currently in a verbal fight with Wendy, and Kenny was looking over at Kyle. "Mm mmph?" he asked quietly to Kyle, but was met with silence. Kyle's eyes narrowed slightly, his expression one of deep thought and bitter feelings. Kenny's eyes drifted to the table for a moment, noting the deep scars in the wood, and the fact that some of those scars scratched out the figure of yet another naked woman. He rolled his eyes and focused his attention on Cartman and Wendy.

"I'll call you a stupid bitch if I wanna call you a stupid fucking bee-yatch," Cartman snorted out, "Bee-yatch," he added for good measure and grinned.

"You're so stupid Cartman, I think the fat has finally invaded your brain," Wendy snapped back. She looked about ready to continue with her argument, but was swiftly cut off by Cartman, "Don't call me FAT bitch! 'side, I wasn't the one who just fucked up royally with the person I was trying to get shit from."

Wendy stared at Cartman for a moment, before her mind registered what he was saying, and she let out an angry sigh of defeat, and stormed off to go talk to her girlfriends.

"Ha ha ha ha haha!" Cartman began singing and plopped heavily back down on the bench. Kenny could almost swear he heard the wood creak.

"Shut the hell up Cartman," Kyle muttered, though only half heartedly. Kenny muffled something which sounded in agreement with Kyle, and narrowed his eyes. Cartman quirked an eyebrow, a look of surprise on his face, then he smirks, "Aw, you jealous 'cause your boyfriend's still got the hots for hippie bitch?" he asked snidely.

With that, Kyle rose to his feet, with enough force to almost move the whole table. "Fuck you, you stupid fat ass! Go to hell!" he yelled out, middle finger extended. He then turned around after freeing himself from the bench and stormed towards the lunchroom door.

"EY? What the hell is it with you guys and callin' meh fat today?" Cartman yelled out as Stan exited the lunchroom, letting the doors slam behind him. There was a moment of awkward silence that followed, then Cartman looked over at Kenny, "I hate you Kenny. ."

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That is it for Chapter 3, stay tuned for further chapters to follow:) please send reviews


	4. Oh My God!

AN: some names will be used in a Name1(Name2) format. In these cases, Name1 is the name of the person being portrayed, and Name2 is the name of who it really is. This is used in cases where the characters are talking to each other and they know who the other is.

Now, on with the chapter!

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SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 4 – Oh My God!

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After escaping the chaos in the cafeteria, Kyle paused to look around for Stan. He was mumbling incoherent words, which sounded more like noises an animal would be making rather than a 12 year old boy. The bitter taste of vomit was still in his mouth, so he decided to go to the bathroom first to try and wash it out first. He knew Stan wouldn't have gone too far anyway. Kyle walked into the bathroom, and could hear muffled snickering, which he recognized immediately. "Uh, Stan?" he asked uncertainly and looked into the room.

"Oh, hey dude," Stan said. His face was a little flush from laughing, the whole quasi-goth phase having been left behind in the lunch room after he departed, "what's up?"

"What's up? What do you mean 'what's up'? you were just sucking face with Wendy Testaburger," Kyle said, his voice reaching a slightly higher note than usual.

"Yeah so?"

"I like Wendy!" Kyle blurted out, frustration clear on his face.

"No, no, Stan Marsh likes Wendy" Stan said, "and today I just happen to be Stan Marsh, and you are Kyle Broflovski. Hey!" Stan yelps out as Kyle grabs his hat and pulls it off, revealing the slightly tangled mess of dark blonde hair hidden underneath.

"Dude, you're just pretending to be me today to throw off Cartman. Stop acting so much like Kenny, and act more like me. Everyone knows Wendy broke up with me a week and a half ago, and I wouldn't act like that at all. She probably thinks I'm some kinda, some kinda" he said trailing off.

"She probably thinks you are a kick ass kisser, and is beating herself up for breaking up with you in the first place." Kenny said mockingly and took Stan's hat back, returning it to his head, and covering his blonde hair.

Both pause, hearing a muffled voice from the doorway "hey you guys, I think Cartman might be starting to suspect something."

"Damnit," Kyle (Stan) said, "How much does he know?"

"Not much, but he was saying that you two were acting weirder than usual, and he was going to find out what the hell was going on. He told me I was suffering from poveritis."

Stan (Kenny) snickered at that, "he's probably right, that son of a bitch."

Kyle (Stan) rolls his eyes, "ok guys, from here to the rest of the day we gotta try our bests to act like each other, and not blow our. . god damnit Kenny, put that away! Or better yet, give it to Kyle," he snapped, noticing Stan (Kenny) thumbing through the latest copy of _Crack Whore Magazine_. Stan (Kenny) flinched, but handed the magazine over to Kenny (Kyle), muttering a quick, "damnit, you better give it back later"

Kenny (Kyle) took the magazine, "was Cartman's mom in this issue too?"

Stan (Kenny) shook his head, "I only just got that, I haven't thumbed through it enough yet to know. So it will be your job to tell us later," he added with a smirk and a wink.

The bell rang to get back to class, and Kyle (Stan) looked up as if he could see the accursed sound above them. "Come on you guys, game faces. We can do this."

After that the boys left the bathroom and headed back to class, resuming each other's identities as fully as they were capable. The rest of the afternoon started off with a continuation of Mr. Garrison's lecture on augmentation, until Craig asked what a 'prince Albert' was. That spark a discussion which involved piercing in wrong and odd places, sexual practices which were based on pain, and the possibility for a boy to get augmentation on his penis. The whole discussion boiled up into a big ugly debate about Pamela Anderson's boobs getting pierced to a tree, and whether someone's penis could really be more than a foot long. By about 1:30, Mr. Garrison lost it. To get the chaotic little mutants that were the members of his class to shut up, he plugged in a movie showing graphic images of women getting augmentation surgery. Half way through the movie, everyone in the class was disgusted and several of the students with weaker stomachs had gotten a review of what they had for lunch, including Kyle. The rest of the class was trying desperately to block out the images and shut out the sounds. There was a collective sigh of relief when class let out to go home, and not one of the students stayed behind long enough to hear Mr. Garrison laughing his ass off.

Kenny was walking ahead of the other boys, "Mph, mphmm mphmphmmm mm mph?" he muttered, which translated out to 'Man, why the hell did he make us watch that crap?" Stan and Kyle laughed, then Stan added, "probably to scare us out of getting boob jobs."

Cartman was following behind the other three, "Eh, who the hell would want one to start with. All bitches look the same anyway."

Kyle looks back at Cartman, "Shut up fat boy. If anything, you need breast reduction surgery." Kenny and Stan laugh, and Cartman balls his fists, "Shut the fuck up you damn fuckin' Jew! If anything, you should be getting implants since you're so fuckin' gay for Stan!"

Kyle's eyes widen, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Cartman."

"Ha ha ha ha ha-ha," Cartman started taunting

"God damnit, I said shutthefuckup!" Kyle yelled out, and leapt at Cartman, dragging them both down to the ground. Kyle had taken Cartman by surprise and gotten several punches in on his somewhat stunned target, until Cartman recovered and rolled over so he was hovering over Kyle. "Fuckin' Jew rat," he snorted and punched Kyle back in the face a few times. They repeated this method of fighting for a couple of minutes, with Stan and Kenny watching. "Should we do something?" Stan asked, and Kenny just shrugged. Finally, Cartman managed to shove Kyle off of him, who went tumbling into Kenny. Kenny stumbled back, slipped on some ice, and fell on his butt in the middle of the road. He barely had time to look up when he realized that he had landed right in the path of a semi truck. The driver of the semi frowned as he drove past, "funny, felt almost like I hit something, oh well."

"Oh my God, I killed Kenny," Kyle said, then blinked and looked over at Stan, who's eyes were wide as saucers, staring at the now deceased Kenny. Finally, he mumbles, "you bastard."

"Well, nothing left to see here guys. Let's get to your house so I can kick Jew boy's ass on the video game," Cartman said, and stepped over Kenny's body as though it weren't there, continuing on his way to Stan's house. The other two boys stared dumbfounded as a pack of rats carted off Kenny's body. "Right. You bastard," Stan mumbled again.

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Kenny (Kyle) was woken up from what seemed like a nightmare. When he opened his eyes, he was forced to squint at the brightness that invaded them. He stood up slowly, and patted himself down, to make sure he was all there, then looked around at the fire and raging magma around him. "Ah, hell," he muttered.

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Well, there is chapter 4, chapter 5 should be up soon. Hope you enjoyed, please review. Thanks


	5. Heaven and Hell

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 5 – Heaven and Hell

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(Kyle)

Kenny pulled down the hood to his orange parka and looked at the burning scenery around him, his eyes wide, and mouth hanging open slightly. "Is this where Kenny goes when he dies?" he asked aloud. He could hear voices coming from his left, and decided to follow them, figuring maybe there would be someone there who could tell him how to get back home. He followed the sound until he reached a huge crowd of people, most of whom looked frightened, and they were all staring with troubled eyes at the massive stage towards the front of the group. A man who looked somewhat familiar walked up to the microphone, "Hello doomed souls. My name is Jim, and I am here to welcome you all to Hell."

"Oh my God!" Kyle exclaimed.

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(Stan and Kenny)

"How the hell are we supposed to get him back?" Kyle yelled back at Stan as they ran after the pack of rats, who were currently trying to steal Kenny's body. Kyle frowned and shook his head as he ran, "how the hell am I supposed to know, usually I'm the one who is dead!" he yelled in response. After the truck hit Kenny (who was really Kyle), a pack of rats made off with his corpse, and the two had went after them. Now they had both lost Cartman, and were in the process of losing the rats in the forest. "Damnit, they're too fast!" Kyle yelled out. "Keep going, they can't have OW! Shit," Stan yelled out as he ends up falling over, his leg caught in a hole.

Kyle skids to a stop and looks back at his friend, "you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm great, I just got my leg caught in a hole, and I think I just racked my balls on a rock," Stan said unceremoniously, and tried to get back up, "could use a little help here."

"Oh yeah," Kyle said and moved over closer to Stan to help him out of the hole. However, there was a loud cracking sound as soon as Kyle got near, and the whole ground seemed to swallow the two of them up into the darkness.

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(Kyle)

Kenny was staring in disbelief towards the stage, "This can't be happening. Oh God, this can't be happening." Finally, Satan appeared on the stage next to Jim. "Mwahahahaha, welcome to hell. I am your God now, so you can just quit waste time with the hope of salvation."

"But I am a good person, and was a devote Catholic all my life," some random person said.

Jim looked at her, "sorry, sorry folks, I guess Carter forgot to tell you. The only religious group to be accepted into Heaven is the Mormons."

"But I'm Mormon," some random guy says.

"Oh, well. Um. In that case, Heaven is having some construction work done and is not accepting any new souls right now. Maybe next time," Jim said.

"Mormon?" Kenny muttered, "ah, now that's fucked up."

Satan was looking around at the group, scanning the newest additions to hell. Finally, his gaze meets Kenny's, "You, come with me."

The crowd around Kenny starts shifting and squirming, not sure who exactly Satan was talking about. Annoyed with the stupidity being displayed, Satan points into the group, and everyone around Kenny burns instantaneously into ash, the only sound from any one of those people being one last anguished cry, and then the sound of their souls burning away. Kenny felt a sickened feeling run through him as the dark lord of Hell pointed him out

"oh shit."

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(Stan and Kenny)

Stan shifted slightly, feeling a sharp pain in his chest, and moans softly, rolling over onto his back. he could see blue sky overhead, cropped by dirt and loose rock. The hole seemed almost twenty feet over his head. "Oh shit. ."

"Kenny, Kenny, wake up," Kyle said, shaking Stan's shoulder. "You better not have died on me Kenny."

"I'm not dead," Stan muttered and looked over at Kyle. Blood and dirt was on his face, as was a very worried and sickened look. He was holding his left shoulder, and holding that arm stiffly at his side.

"This really sucks dude, how are we going to get back up?" Kyle asked, looking up towards the hole.

"Don't know. It looks like we are in some sort of underground cavern. That way's probably not an option anymore," Stan said, getting to his feet, and looking up at the hole closer. It looked like someone had punched a hole in the roof, there were not walls connected to it, or close enough to make climbing up a legitimate option.

Suddenly, there was a high pitched squeaking noise, causing both boys to turn around. There, standing at the edge of the light caused by the hole was a small brown rat, similar to the ones which had taken Kenny. "A rat? Maybe we should follow it," Stan said, taking a couple of steps towards the little creature. It ran.

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(Kyle)

Kenny approached the dark lord cautiously, and followed him away from the large crowd of people gathered before the stage, still awaiting directions and listening to the end of the orientation.

"Am I to understand that you are not Kenneth McKormick?" Satan asked as he walked ahead of Kenny.

"Yes, that's right."

"Hmm, well, as much as I enjoy damning souls, certain other powers have stepped up claiming that your soul was not the one meant to come here today," Satan said, and stopped, standing in the presence of Death himself. Death didn't look too happy, a fiery light was lit in the sockets of his skeletal face. "So, in lue of normal policy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you back."

"Alright," Kenny said.

"BUT! This will not be an easy task. For the trouble it will cause to send you back, a lesson will have to be learned before you go."

"Lesson?"

---------------------

(Stan and Kenny)

Stan and Kyle followed the squeaking deeper into the cave without a second thought, still hopeful that they were on the trail of the little brown rat they saw earlier. They followed the sound until it was almost too dark to see. Finally they came out into a lit cavern deep within the cave. Both boys stopped when they noticed the whole room was lit by candles, and the floor was covered with multiple living rats. Pillars were etched out of the rocky walls, and crude pictures were graffitied onto the floors, walls and ceilings. Several of the images depicted events from Kenny's past, showing various deaths, others showed him being resurrected again, more still showing him as some sort of God, or divine being to be worshipped. "Holy shit dude, its some kinda rat cult," Kyle said.

On the shine in the middle of the temple like structure lay Kenny's mutilated body. Around the pedestal, multiple rats were bowing to the corpse, and uttering a strange mousey chant. There was one rat, who was wearing a jockstrap on his head, complete with feathers, was standing over Kenny, his beady eyes fixed firmly on the boys.

"I really hate this fuckin' town," Stan said.

The lead rat squeaked angrily, and all the other rats turned towards the boys, their eyes burning like fire.

"Oh Shit!" was all that was heard before the mass of rats descended upon the boys, muffling their screams.

---

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That's it for Chapter 5, stay turned for further chapters P


	6. Where Do I Go From Here?

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 6 – Where Do I Go From Here?

---------------------

(Kyle)

Kenny followed Satan and Death until they reached the furthest depths of Satan's lair. He ran his wrists together uncomfortably, feeling the weight of the chains that had been clasped to him to make sure he didn't run away, one end of the chain was in the possession of Death. He couldn't help but look around at all the anguished faces, peering out in fear as they walked along the path. It was chilling.

"Are you ready to learn your lesson and head back?" Satan asked when they finally reached a massive door with skulls and bones carved into the nearly black surface. Kenny nodded in response.

"Then let the torture begin!" Satan said, then walked about ten feet forward to a smaller, less ominous door and lead the way inside.

"Torture? Ah hell."

---------------------

(Stan and Kenny)

"Kenny. Psst, Kenny, wake up. Oh God, please tell me you aren't dead too."

Stan opened his eyes and glanced over at Kyle. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead ended up nearly choking on blood that had rose to his throat. He and Kyle were tied up to two poles overlooking the alter in the middle of the room where Kenny (Kyle) lay dead and worshipped by rats. Both boys were bleeding from multiple bites and scratches caused by the rats when they attacked them, but they were still alive. A group of rats were at their feet, piling up wood and leaves around them, while others were watching, holding what looked like brightly painted toothpicks in their little hands. King Jock-strap was back on the alter overlooking the worshipping ceremonies that were taking place.

Stan found himself breathing hard, everything hurt, even his voice. His words felt choked, but he managed to say, "God I hope this isn't what happens to me every time I die."

---------------------

(Kyle)

Kenny found himself in a little room with a chair in the middle of the room that looked very much like a dentist's chair, though it had many weird metallic looking things hanging off of it. He cautiously looked between Death and Satan, not quite sure what was going on, but pretty sure that he hated the dentist.

"Kyle Broflovski. Get in the chair."

Kenny got up in the chair and looked back at them. As soon as he had taken his seat, strange wormy tentacles sprouted from the chair and wrapped around his wrists and ankles tightly, pinning him to the chair. "Hey, what the hell is this?" Kenny yelped, then let out a strangled gasp as another set of the tentacles wrapped around his neck and forehead, holding him securely in place. He could see what was happening straight in front of him, but could not turn his head, and he couldn't speak anymore.

Satan pulled a lever.

Suddenly images started playing on the walls in front of Kenny, horrible images mixed together, depicting tragic events, including the Holocaust, Nazis, KKK, George Bush, sick fetish German porn, nuclear war, augmentation, Barbra Streisand, and many, many others too horrific to think about. Accompanying the horrible montage of images was the chair, which came to life around Kenny. The equipment started to spark, and jab at his body, causing small cuts, and shocking him. With every passing image, the shocks became more intense.

Satan was laughing, "Hahah. . oh, Saddam was right, you really can get off on torturing people."

---------------------

(Stan and Kenny)

King Jock-strap started chittering noisily. Drum music had started playing in the background, and a new set of rats came into the root, all decorated like tribal members. They were adorned with small bones, and were carrying the skulls of what looked like humans. The king rat held a bowl up over his head, and cheers came from the watching rats, as he set it down next to Kenny's head and dipped his paws inside. The liquid inside was red, and notably blood, which the rat proceeded to draw some rather arcane looking symbols on Kenny's face.

Stan and Kyle watched in horror and amazement until Kyle let out a yell. Rats had started climbing up the both of them, until they were sitting on their shoulders. They then proceeded to draw marking in the same sticky blood as on Kenny.

Kyle shook his head, trying to through the creatures from him, or at least keep them from writing on him, "Get off me you stupid bastards. Hey, don't put that crap on me, get off!" Kyle struggled to get free, but Stan just sat there, staring straight ahead as though he were in some sort of trance.

After all the blood was applied to Kenny, the king rat began the chants again. The other rats picked it up immediately, the skull barers were dancing, and some of the others were clapping to the beat. Stan was feeling dizzy and sick, and he couldn't stand the sight anymore, so he closed his eyes and let his head rest against his chest. There had been a rat on his head, which fell off, dragging his hat with him and revealing his ruffled blonde hair. All the rats gasped. Stan (Kenny) looked up with just his eyes at the rats as the beating stopped and the whole room turned deathly silent. "Uh oh."

The wheels were almost visibly turning in King Jock-strap's fuzzy little head as he looked between Kenny and Stan. He reached down and grabbed a lock of red hair that was peeking just under Kenny's parka, studied it, then yelled out something in rat, which caused an uproar amongst the masses.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked.

"He said 'we've been deceived by these foul strangers who mock our savior. This isn't the right one'." The rat continued with his yelling and Stan gulped, "he said to 'kill us'."

"Dude, that's totally weak," Kyle said, then looks at Stan, "Wait, you know what it said?"

"Yeah." Stan answered, though he wished he couldn't.

---------------------

(Kyle)

It felt like hours that the torture persisted, and Kenny was almost ready to give up. he couldn't scream, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the horrible scenes playing before him. The constant shocks were just reminders that he was still there.

Death turned his head slightly towards Satan, a low hiss, like steam, was the only sound he made.

"Oh, wait. You are right. Oops," Satan said. "Well, the punishment for that is much simpler. Hold out your hands."

Kenny whimpered some, static holding his red hair straight up around his head. The chair slowly unwound him, and he ended up slipping to the floor on his hands and knees. His whole body was shaking from the pain and shocks which were still coursing through him. Finally, he held out his hands, in which Satan places a small piece of paper.

"What the hell is this?" Kenny asked, glaring up at Satan.

Satan rocked back and forth on his heels a few times, looking up at the ceiling of the cavern they were in, "oh nothing much, just look at it."

Kenny rolled his eyes and looked at the paper in his hands. It looked like an ordinary piece of paper, folding up into one of those retarded little shapes that girls liked to fold their notes into to disguise their contents. He flipped open the paper to notice that it was a note, which read:

_Kyle Broflovski,_

_Happy April Fool's Day._

_Satan_

Kenny stared at the note for a moment, to dumbfounded to speak. He heard Satan snickering, and looked up at him, "what the hell?"

"Bye Kyle, it's been good seein' you again," Satan said with a wave. The paper in Kenny's hand started to glow with a pale yellow orange light, and then everything went black for Kyle.

Death turns to Satan and hisses, "Don't you think that was going a bit far?"

---------------------

(Stan, Kyle and Kenny)

Stan and Kyle were yelling at the top of their lungs, trying their hardest to get away from the rats, who had swarmed them again with bites and claws. Finally they stopped and pulled back. the boys looked up to see one very large black rat walking towards them, holding a lit match in its claws. "Oh shit!" Kyle yelled. They were tied to poles that were surrounded by dry leaves and debris, and the rats were about to make them into barbeque.

The rat lingered at the pile for a moment, mockingly waving the match so they could see the fire clearly. The rest of the rats were cheering and adding to the mocking, but just as it was about to light the leaves, the match went out. The black rat yelled out what sounded very much like a curse, and a much smaller brown rat ran out to him carrying another match. That match was relit by a lighter the black rat had, and then he waved it at them again. King Jock-strap smacked his forehead and watched the scene from his place on the alter.

Just as the rat was setting the fire to the leaves a pale yellow orange light started glowing around Kenny's body. The rats gasped and looked back at what was happening. When the light dimmed, King Jock-strap leaned over Kenny and put his paws on his cheek, his eyes level with the boys. Kenny groans and brushes the rat away, sending the king rat to the floor in a heap. The other rats, not caring so much about their leaders fate, all start chanting again and bowing to Kenny. The big black one joins them too, casually throwing the match over his shoulder.

"Kyle?" Stan and Kyle say in unison as the parka clad Jew sits up on the alter, looking very much disoriented.

"Wha. .?" he said, then looked around at the rats around him. "What the fuck? Hey, get away from me," he yelped out and jumped down off the alter. "You guys, what's going on? And uh, Stan, why are you on fire?"

Kyle looked down, noticing smoke billowing around him, and tiny flames growing around the place in the debris the forgotten match had landed, "Oh shit! Get us out of here."

Stan (Kenny) hissed softly, "I hate burning. God damnit, get us down!"

Kenny ran over to them, kicking rats out of his way, and shaking them off, since they were starting to get ticked off and attacking him. He kicked at the fire a little, to try and coax it away from his friends, but only managed to catch his shoe on fire, so instead he turned to the knots. His mind was still disoriented from his return and he couldn't focus, so instead of trying to untie them, he picked up a stick that had caught fire and placed it against the knots binding his friends. Then he turned it against the rats to get them to back off. "Oh thank God they're afraid of fire."

The fire ate through the ropes quickly, and the boys were free. "Let's get the hell outta here," Kyle said, moving towards the entrance to the cavern. "God damn rats," Stan (Kenny) muttered, then knocked the pole that was holding him down to the floor, crushing some of the advancing rats and crashed into the other pole, knocking it loose as well. He and Kenny both headed for the exit too, and Kenny tossed the flaming branch into the debris, lighting the room on fire as they made their escape.

"Any idea how to get out of here?" Kyle asked as they ran. Stan ran ahead of them. "This way you guys," he yelled back.

The big black rat who had tried to set them on fire was still chasing them, along with a few of his buddies. "We gotta go faster you guys," Kenny yelled from behind them. Just then a massive rock came loose from the ceiling, and fell, narrowly missing Kenny, but smashing the rats.

The remaining rats were running scared in their worshiping chamber. The poles that had bound their sacrifices had blocked the entrance when they caught fire, and killed many of them when they fell. King Jock-strap looked up from where he was hiding, his beady red eyes landing on the fire, then on a gas can that happened to be laying open by the fire. "Well, I think now's the time to kiss my furry ass goodbye."

The explosion rocked through the caves just as the boys slipped out. The force of the blast knocked them to the ground, and lit the air outside on fire momentarily, then was choked out as the cave collapsed on itself, burying all reminisce of their ordeal and the Kenny worshiping rat cult.

"Now that was some fucked up shit there," Kenny said as they looked back towards the cave.

"You said it."

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That's it for Chapter 6, stay turned for further chapters P and hooray, this was the longest chapter so far

((Please someone review for me too, you're breakin' my balls here))


	7. Your Life Sucks Balls

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 7 – Your Life Sucks Balls!

---------------------

The boys recovered from getting thrown to the ground due to the force of the blast, and sat in the snow, staring at each other. Each was trying to sort in his mind what had just happened.

"You aren't dead. Why aren't you dead?" Kyle blurted out finally, his eyes locked on Kenny.

"Gee, that makes me feel great. You know, actually. I don't really. ." Kenny looked down. Clenched in his hand was the little piece of paper Satan had given to him when he left hell. "Must be some of Kenny's charm," he said finally, as the paper disintegrated into a fine powder and blew away.

"We should probably try to get home," Stan (Kenny) said, replacing the poof ball hat on his head and standing up. "It's getting dark."

The other boys stood up too, Kyle was rubbing his shoulder. He had bruised it up badly in the fall, but he didn't think it was broken. "Which way out?" he asked. Though just then they heard the sound of a car driving by. "Ok, that way it is then. We can at least get to Main Street from whatever street that is."

After a few minutes of walking, the boys reach the street, and find that they are in fact on Main Street. "Hooray!" they shout out in unison. "Let's go back to my house," Kyle said.

Kenny narrows his eyes slightly, "I don't want to go back there, my mom has been on the war path ever since she heard about the augmentation lectures at school."

"No, not your house, MY house. Stan's house. that way we can change back before we go home."

"Sounds good, one problem though," Stan muttered.

"What's that?" Kyle asked.

"Cartman. . we ditched him remember? He's probably camped out by your house waiting to laugh, or play you in that game." The boys all started heading into town, their general direction being towards Stan's house anyway.

"Well, then we can call him out. It's still April Fool's Day, right?" Kenny asked.

Just then Gerald pulled alongside the sidewalk. "Kyle, where have you been?" he asked. A rather upset looking Sheila looked over at the boys as well. "You knew we had communal tonight. Get in the car." The boys stared for a moment, until Kenny muffled something to Kyle (which translated out to 'Oh shit dude, I forgot all about that) but was taken by Sheila and Gerald as an asking for a ride home. "Come on Kenny, we'll drop you off on the way. Sorry Stan, we'd have to turn around to take you," Gerald said.

Kenny stepped forward first and obediently got in the car, looking back for a second to wave bye to Stan. Kyle followed, and as soon as the two were seated, Ike crawled over Kenny and sat himself down next to Kyle. Gerald put the car in drive and started out again, heading towards Kenny's house.

---------------------

(Kenny)

Stan watched the car take off, then pinches his nose, turns around, and starts walking back to the Marsh residence. Luckily the 'fat ass' didn't seem to be present anywhere, so Stan walked up to the door and opened it looked around. Sharon was sitting at the table in the kitchen, and Randy was watching television. There was no sign of Shelly anywhere, but he figured she was in her room. He closed the door quietly and started walking to the bedroom upstairs.

"Stan, why are you getting home so late?" Randy asked from the front room, "I told you to come home straight from school young man." Stan stared back at him in confusion, a blank look on his face. "To clean your room, remember?"

"Room? Um. . oh, oh yeah. My room, right," Stan mumbled, the confusion still present on his face.

"Yes, your room Stan, it's gotten to be a regular pig-sty," Sharon piped up, "but come get some dinner first, ok?" Stan froze, then a grin crossed his face, "Alright!" He shouted out happily and went to the kitchen table.

After three helping, several stares, and a few stray punches from Shelly, dinner was over. Stan got away from the table and trudged up to his room. The room had been left a mess from the night before, when they had their sleep over. The blanket, and sheets were all but laying completely on the floor. There were loose snacks and open chips scattered as well as a few soda cans, one which had been partially full at one point, but was laying on its side surrounded by a sticky puddle. "Whoa, and they think this is messy?" Stan said to himself.

"So, turd, you think it's cool to leave such a big stinkin' turd mess and ditch huh? I had to suffer through this stench all day." Shelly said from behind him, her presence sending shivers down his spine. He turned to face her.

"Shelly, you were at school today too," Stan pointed out.

"Shut up turd, don't contradict me!" Shelly hissed, then punches Stan in the eye. Stan shook his head, backing up a couple steps to recover, and glares back at her, "Hey! Gah!" he yelps out as the desk chair is swung around at him, knocking him and the chair into the wall. "I said 'shut up'!" Shelly snorted, staring down at him. She smirks, kicks him once in the ribs, and leaves the room. The hit almost left Stan unconscious, and he lay there for a moment, staring at the door and gasping for breath. He was half expecting her to come back and finish him off, but she never came, and he finally pushed the chair off of himself. The whole back of the chair fell off, and he groaned. "Sisters suck. ."

"Stan, stop horsing around up there and get your room clean," Randy called up the stairs.

"Aw fuck. ."

---------------------

(Stan)

"I can't believe you forgot we were going to communal tonight Kyle. You know well enough this week is Passover," Sheila was droning on in the front, and Gerald was just training his eyes on the road. "And furthah more. . ."

Kyle sat in the backseat of the car, staring straight ahead. To his right was Ike, who was staring very hard at him, "Stan?"

"What is your brother saying Kyle?" Sheila asked, taking a moment from her preaching.

"Nothing Mom, it's nothing," Kyle answered awkwardly, glaring at Ike out of the corner of his eye. Ike shrunk away from the glare a little, and turned his focus ahead, though Kyle noticed his glance continually landing on him.

Kenny glanced over Ike at Kyle, an almost pleading look in his eyes.

"Ok Kenny, this is your stop," Gerald said, pulling up to the McKormick's run down shack.

"Can't Kenny come with us?" Kyle asked.

"What, no. You remember what happened the last time he pretended to be Jewish," Shiela said, "It was a complete fiasco. No, I'm afraid this time, Kenny just has to stay home."

"But Mom."

"No 'but's young man. Now say 'bye' to your little friend. You can see him tomorrow," Sheila stated sternly, and looked back in the back at the boys.

Kenny shrunk away a little, and opened the door to the car, got out, and closed it again. Kyle looked out the window, "Bye Kenny, see you tomorrow," he said reluctantly, a look of regret plastered on his face. He waved, and the car started off again.

"Stan?" Ike whispered.

"No, Stan went home." Kyle snapped

"Don't yell at your brother Kyle!"

"I'm not yelling, I was just telling him."

"Oh, don't you take that tone with me mister. When we get home, you are grounded," Sheila snapped back.

Kyle sat there for a moment, stunned. No wonder Kyle always seemed to have so much pent up anger. He always got shot down whenever he tried to make a point. Maybe Cartman was right. . .

---------------------

(Kyle)

The car pulled away quickly, leaving Kenny on the curb alone. He gulped and looked back at the house. He had been there enough times before to know it wasn't the most luxurious of places. In fact, it was rat infested and the ceiling was full of holes. He walked up to the door and pushed it open, wincing at the sound the door hinges made. The first thing he noticed when he got inside was the smell. It wasn't a smell like food, or anything nice like that. No, it smelled more like a sewer, and homeless people. Out of instinct and disgust, he tightened the hood around his face to block out the smell, and wandered deeper inside the house.

There was a yell, which made Kenny almost jump out of his skin, then a pan hit him in the head, sending him to the floor. "You sorry sack of shit! How dare you come home at this hour en' drunk! . . oh Kenny?" Mrs. McKormick stared back wide eyed at the boy in front of her, a beer bottle prepped to throw had she not stayed her hand. Kenny stared back at her, then rubbed his head where the pan had hit him. Mrs. McKormick moved out of her hiding position, and knelt down by Kenny, setting the beer bottle on the floor. "Oh, I'm sorry Kenny. I thought you were that no good father of yer's comin' back all drunk ag'in," she explained, helping him to his feet. "Well, you should git on up ta bed. You've got school tomorrah. Oh, and the toilets are all backed up ag'in too."

Kenny nods and hurries up to the room, avoiding the bathroom, and closes himself in. He takes two steps in the room, and then slips on a magazine on the floor, entitled _Sex Olympia._ "This is going to be a long night," he said softly to himself, pushing himself into a sitting position.

About an hour passed, and Kenny was thumbing through the sex magazine he had slipped on. There was chicken scratch written in some of the margins, and a few things were highlighted. Some of the pages were also dog-eared, and in some cases obviously looked at often. His eyes were wide as he flipped through the pages. "No wonder Kenny likes these things so much. . ." he mumbled to himself. Then he nearly jumped a mile, hearing a loud crash from the kitchen, followed by swearing, yelling and more crashes.

Kenny dropped the book and moved to the far corner of the room, huddling as close to the wall as he could, his hands over his ears. The yelling continued as Mr. and Mrs. McKormick continued their brawl, the fight escalating quickly to the point one would assume they were really going to kill each other. Out of fear, Kenny finally stood up and opened the window, abandoning the house.

---------------------

(Cartman)

"Ay, those son's of bitches ditched me," Cartman huffed and sat himself down on the couch in front of the TV. He had waited for the other guys to finally give up chasing the rats, but they weren't all too brilliant. Kenny was dead, died like he usually dies, in some freak accident. As true as that was, and as good a friend as he pretended to be with the sorry poor fuck, Cartman couldn't seem to care really. See, he knew Kenny always came back, even that one time they tried to convince him that he wouldn't he showed up again. Those other guys were just too slow to realize that. Either that or that damn Jew was scared. Yeah, that was it. . .

Satisfied with his conclusion, Cartman grabbed a handful of Cheesy Poofs, and shoved them in his mouth as he started flipping through the channels. By the time he finally settled on a channel, most of his snack was gone, and his fingers were an orange mess. "Myeeehhhm, I need some more Cheesy Poofs." The only response he got was a low moaning and the sound of bed springs creaking. "I said, Ay! Myeeehm! I need some more Goddamn Cheesy Poofs!" He waited a moment longer, the creaks and moans not ceasing. "Stupid lazy good for nothin'. . gotta do everything mehself," he mumbled to himself in annoyance and got off the couch, walked the 10 feet to the kitchen and picked up the bag of Cheesy Poofs off the table, where he had left them to begin with.

He walked back to the couch, also in the possession of some cookies and a candy bar, and plopped back down. Just as he was settling in for the new season premier of _Terrance and Philip_, the cable went out, leaving him staring at static bees crowding the screen.

"NOOOOOO!"

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That's it for Chapter 7, stay turned for further chapters P this one really and truly IS the longest chapter so far.

((Please review, I need reviews!))


	8. Springs, Things, and Dirty Magazines

SOUTH PARK

Switched!

Chapter 8 – Springs, Things, and Dirty Magazines

---------------------

(Kyle)

Kenny quickly made his way away from the little run down shack and carefully crossed the tracks into the good part of town. He figured he couldn't really go home, and he certainly didn't want to stay at the McKormick's. His destination would naturally be Stan's house then.

On the way there he nearly got ran over by a car, crushed by a stampede of elephants, pulverized by anvils, shot at by a gun, bow, and nuclear weapon, mauled by a lion, abducted by visitors, struck by lightning, burned, electrocuted, drowned, tickled and attacked by a sadistic band of one eyed rabid squirrels. He got away with only slipping on some ice, narrowly avoiding a knife aimed at his head, before making it to Stan's house.

Once there, he moved the ladder he and Stan had hidden by the side of the house, and started up to the window.

---------------------

(Kenny and Kyle)

Stan had recovered rather quickly from his encounter with Shelly, though he had gained a nasty bump on his head, and his back was a little sore from being slammed into the wall. He was sitting Indian style in the middle of the room wondering where he should start with the mess that was laid out before him. At home, his room really did look like a pig-sty. This was nothing in comparison. He smirked and picked up one of the soda cans that was littering the floor, finding it still having some soda in it and took a swig. Flat, but he was used to it. he downed it and tossed the can over his shoulder. It landed with a resounding clang in the closet, which stood open. Stan stared at the closet for a moment, then a mischievous grin spread across his face.

Ten minutes later, Stan closed the closet doors, "Phew, glad that's over with," he said and then flopped down on the bed. "the only thing that is missing is some good porn. I wonder if Mr. Marsh keeps any?" he got up and snuck into the hall. No one was around. Randy and Sharon were in the living room downstairs, and Shelly's door was shut. He noted that she was blasting Britney Spears. _God, how can you remain a fan that long?_ He wondered and crept towards the parents' bedroom.

Once in the room, he left the lights out, and wandered through, first checking in the drawers of the dresser, and under the bed. He finally found what he was expecting in a small box in the bottom drawer of Randy's nightstand. After obtaining the magazines, he snuck silently back down the hall and closed the door to the room. He resumed his laying position on the bed, and finally took a look at his prize.

"What the fuck?" he asked after a moment of staring at the cover of the magazine. Rather than being covered with pictures of boobs, the cover was adorned with a picture of two men getting it on. "Holy shit." He flipped open the magazine, just to make sure his eyes weren't lying to him, then he shut it and looked at the second and third magazines he had snatched up. One of them was also men only, and the third was called '_Bi-Times Rock_'.

"Stan, did you finish cleaning your room?" came Randy's voice from outside. Stan jumped, and shoved the magazines between the bed and the wall, out of sight, just as the door opened.

"Yeah, I finished."

"Alright, your mother and I are going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Stan said as the door was shut.

Stan nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard something hit the side of his window. He looked up and for a second thought he was looking in a mirror, but rather, it was Kenny outside the window, tapping on the glass. "Whoa dude, what are you doing here?" Stan asked, letting the other boy in.

Kenny sprawled out on the floor, looking up at Stan, and pulls his hood down enough so he could speak clearly, "I can't do it dude," he said, breathing hard.

"Can't do what?" Stan asked, sitting down on the floor next to his friend. Kenny looked flushed, his green eyes half closed, and he was breathing hard, suggesting that he had been running.

"I can't stay at your house, let me stay here, ok? Stan's parents should already be asleep right?" Kenny asked, looking hopefully back at Stan. Stan nodded in response. "then it should be ok," Kenny continued, "they usually get up late, and I can get out before they wake up. Wait, what the hell am I saying?" Stan gave him a puzzled look. "We have to find Stan so that way we can put an end to this. We already lost our shot at tricking Cartman."

"Agreed, but wait, take a look at this," Stan said, walking back over to his bed.

Two minutes later there was a muffled "Oh my God!" from behind the closed door.

---------------------

(Stan)

Kyle looked around the synagogue as everyone was taking their seats. He had only been in here a couple of times before, and never for an actual service. The Rabbi was standing up at the front, and the service started. _Oh no! they're talking in French_, Kyle looked around panicked, his eyes on the book he was holding. All the words made no sense to him, _where's Kyle when you need him? Oh wait, this isn't French. . it's probably Hebrew. ._

Kyle's eyes scanned the pages, then he started looking around the room again. Ike was staring back at him, "You're on the wrong page," he said in his quiet voice, and showed his book. Kyle bit his lip and flipped to the right page, but the words made no more sense there then before. Ike stared at Kyle for a moment, then tugged on Mrs. Broflovski's blouse.

"Stop it Ike," she whispered harshly, her eyes glancing between the words on the pages and the Rabbi leading the service. Ike tugged again, working up his best, most innocent and convincing sad puppy eyes. "What is it Ike?" Mrs. Broflovski asked finally, looking down at her adopted son. "I have to go poopie," Ike said finally after getting her attention. "O, oh. ." she said, "I see. Kyle, take your brother to the bathroom."

"But I don't want to. ." Kyle started, but stopped when Ike kicked him

"Do what you are told Kyle, and get back here quickly. You don't want to miss too much of this," Mrs. Broflovski hissed through her teeth.

"Ok, alright," Kyle said quickly and took Ike's hand, leading him out of the room.

"You almost play a better Kyle than Kyle," Ike announced after the doors closed behind them.

Kyle looked down at Ike, and frowned. "Dude, how could you tell I wasn't Kyle?"

"Well, let's see. You are too tall, your eyes are blue, you have no freckles, and Kyle knows how to read at least a couple words of Hebrew. Oh, and by now Kyle would have tried to kick me at least two times, maybe three, and you have not," Ike said, beaming. For a five your old, he was almost too aware of what was going on around him. No wonder his parents thought he was some sort of genius.

"You are scary, you know that right?"

"I know" Ike said with a grin, "this should only last about a half hour more, I think we can probably blow the time in here. So, where is Kyle, and why are you posing as him?"

"He's at Kenny's, posing as Kenny."

"Why would he want to do that? I thought he hated going over to Kenny's house."

"He does, at least by himself. This was all part of an April Fool's joke that went on a little longer than any of us anticipated," Kyle said with a frown.

"An April Fool's joke, but those are for babies," Ike pointed out, "who are you pranking? Fat-ass?"

"Yeah, the fat ass. He had it coming 'cause he was being retarded yesterday, but I don't think we really succeeded in doing anything. We hardly saw him today," Kyle said solemnly.

Kyle and Ike talked for a while in the bathroom, until they heard people outside. "Uh-oh, sounds like its over," Ike said, opening the door a crack. "whoa, there's mom, she looks pissed.," he added, shrinking away from the door, and letting it close the rest of the way.

"We'll just tell her that I got sick," Kyle said finally, "Kyle's always getting sick, right."

"All the time," Ike confirmed, "that's brilliant. You really are a good Kyle. What are you doing?"

"Making it look good," Kyle said, turning on the faucet and letting the water run warm until it was almost hot, then splashes some of the water on his face, careful not to let any get on his clothes. It left him looking a little flush and almost sweaty. "Come on," he said finally, and opened the door to the bathroom.

"There they are," Gerald said, noticing the boys coming out of the bathroom. He and Sheila walked over to them.

"Where were you boys, you missed the entire communal," Sheila started, her voice raised and irate. Ike winced slightly at her voice, drawing just a little closer to Kyle, but Kyle spoke up on their behalf, "Sorry, I got sick," he said softly. His eyes were lowered, and he had one hand wrapped loosely around his middle. All the anger Sheila had been storing to use against her boys faded in that second, "Oh _bubbe_, what's wrong? Oh my, you look terrible," she said, pressing her cold palm on Kyle's forehead, "and you are running a fever, we're going to take you home right away."

After a moment, the two boys had been herded into the Broflovski's car, and were heading home. Kyle kept his head down and eyes lowered, as Mrs. Broflovski fussed over him. "Oh, my poor little _bubbe_. Ike, stop laughing, can't you see your brother isn't feeling well," Sheila snapped at Ike, who cringed. However, as soon as she looked away, he grinned, his light brown eyes fixed on Kyle, glittering with childish amusement. Needless to say, it was a long car ride home for Kyle.

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(Cartman)

"Sherioushly weak," Cartman mumbled to himself for the tenth time as he poked at the internal guts of his TV. What had started out as the cable going out now resulted in half a dozen odd cords strewn about the floor, a busted screen, and this funny little springy prong thing that kept bouncing around on the floor. "Don't know what the hell that was doin' in there," Cartman sneered at the spring and tried to hit it with a hammer, which resulted in the thing flying back at him and hitting him between the eyes. "God damnit, son of a bitch!" he yelled. Then inspiration struck. "Mheehm, something's wrong with the TV," he yelled.

Squeaking and moaning was still coming from the bedroom, "Just a minute sweetums, mommy's pretty busy right now, ooh yeah, Mr. Mackey, ooh."

Cartman stared at the stairs for a moment, "But Myeeeehmm."

"I said 'I'm busy'!" Liane shouted, then screamed out in pleasure, which made Cartman roll his eyes, trying not to gag. "Fine, I'll fix it mehself," he said and smacked the TV, "that's a bad TV, bad!" rather than staying put, he threw on his jacket, grabbing the last bit of his Cheesy Poofs, and walks to the door, figuring Butter's wouldn't mind him borrowing his TV for a while.

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that is it for chapter 8, please read and review ((I like reviews))

Chapter nine should be up soon!


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